Author: Pure Matrimony Admin

What a Proposal Means in Islam

Khitbah is the Arabic word for a marriage proposal and the period of engagement that follows it. It is a request and a promise, not a contract. Nothing becomes lawful between the couple through it. The marriage itself only happens with the Nikah.

The proposal also does not have to come from the man himself. When the Prophet ﷺ wished to marry Zaynab bint Jahsh after her waiting period ended, he sent Zayd ibn Harithah to mention it to her on his behalf (Sahih Muslim 1428b). Proposing through a parent, an imam or a trusted friend has been part of the Sunnah from the start.

Before You Propose

A proposal is easier to make, and easier to answer, when the groundwork is done:

• Be ready to marry soon. Proposing is not a way to “see what happens”. Make sure you can support a household and are prepared for the commitment. Our guide to the signs you are ready for marriage can help you check.
• Tell your own family first. Your parents will usually want to be part of the approach, and her family will expect it.
• Find out the basics. Is she free to marry, and is anyone else already in serious talks with her family? Islam forbids proposing over another Muslim’s proposal, as our guide to finding a spouse in Islam explains.
• Pray Istikhara. Ask Allah for guidance before you approach. Here is how to pray Istikhara for marriage.

How to Propose in Islam, Step by Step

1. Decide who will make the approach

You have three options. You can speak to her Wali yourself, ask your father or another senior relative to call her family, or ask someone both families trust, such as an imam or a family friend, to make the introduction.

In many South Asian and Arab families, a parent making the first call is expected. Our guide to rishta meaning and the rishta process explains how this usually works in South Asian families. Where the family custom is unclear, the third option is the safest.

2. Approach her Wali, not her privately

The respectful route is through her father or guardian, not a private message to her. A short, clear message works best: who you are, how you know of her, that you are interested in marriage, and a request to speak or meet. If she is a convert without Muslim family, her Wali is usually an imam or a trusted Muslim man she appoints.

3. Share an honest introduction

Her family will want to know about your Deen, your work, where you live, your family and any previous marriage or children. Share this openly at the start rather than letting it come out later.

4. Arrange the first meeting

If her family is open to it, arrange to meet with a chaperone present (see below). Looking at each other at this meeting is permitted, and our pillar guide explains the evidence for it.

5. Talk with purpose over a few meetings

Use the meetings to cover what matters: Deen, family, money, children and where you would live. Our list of questions to ask before marriage in Islam can guide these conversations. Keep the families informed, and agree how long you will take to decide.

6. Give and receive a clear answer

Once both sides have prayed Istikhara and consulted, the families give their answer. If it is yes, agree the Mahr and set a date. If it is no, accept it graciously and move on.

The First Meeting and the Role of the Chaperone

A chaperone is there because Islam forbids a man and a woman who are not related from being alone together. The Prophet ﷺ said: “No man should stay with a lady in seclusion except in the presence of a Dhu-Muhram” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5233). That applies to a couple considering marriage as much as to anyone else.

In practice, a chaperone can be:

• Her father, brother or another mahram, sitting with the couple or nearby in the same room.
• Her mother or another family member, at a family home where others are present.
• A public setting, such as a café or a mosque’s community room, with the families’ knowledge and a relative close by.

The chaperone is not there to interrogate either of you, and they do not need to hear every word. Their presence keeps the meeting open, protects both reputations and reassures both families.

Online calls follow the same principle: keep them purposeful, and let a family member be present or aware. For where the line falls in phone and online contact, see how to keep a relationship halal before marriage.

Receiving a Proposal: Advice for Sisters and Their Families

• Take your time, but do not leave him waiting. Ask your questions, make enquiries about him, pray Istikhara, then answer within a reasonable time.
• Your answer is yours. Your Wali handles the approach, but the decision needs your agreement. The Prophet ﷺ said that a shy young woman’s silence counts as her consent (Sahih al-Bukhari 5137), but today many families simply ask her directly, which removes any doubt.
• You can also take the first step. A woman once came to the Prophet ﷺ and offered herself in marriage. When Anas’s daughter called this shameless, Anas replied that the woman was better than her (Sahih al-Bukhari 5120). If a man seems right for you, your father or Wali can raise the idea with his family, and there is nothing shameful in that.

How to say yes

The Wali, or a family member, tells his family. Both sides then discuss the Mahr, the timing of the Nikah and the wedding. Some families mark the agreement with a small gathering; others go straight to setting the Nikah date.

How to say no kindly

A refusal is not an insult, and it should not be delivered like one. Reply through the person who made the introduction, thank them, and keep it short: “We are grateful for the proposal, but we do not feel it is the right match.” There is no need to list reasons, and silence for weeks is far more hurtful than a polite no.

For anyone on the receiving end of a no, our piece on why rejection does not define your next search may help.

Engagement (Khitbah) Rules in Islam

Once a proposal is accepted, the couple are engaged. The most important thing to understand is what an engagement does not change.

During the engagement	What Islam says
Being alone together	Not allowed. They are still not mahram to each other.
Physical contact	Not allowed until the Nikah.
Talking and meeting	Allowed with purpose, with a chaperone or the family aware.
Gifts and an engagement ring	Gifts are permissible. A ring is a cultural custom, not a requirement, and gold is not permitted for men (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1720).
Other proposals	No one else should propose to her while the engagement stands.
Length of the engagement	No fixed period, but long engagements without a plan are best avoided.

 

Many couples find the simplest solution is a short engagement, or holding the Nikah first and the wedding celebration later. Once the Nikah is done, the couple are married and these restrictions no longer apply.

Breaking an Engagement

Because khitbah is a promise rather than a contract, it can be ended without a divorce. But promises matter. Allah says: “And fulfill [every] commitment. Indeed, the commitment is ever [that about which one will be] questioned” (Quran 17:34).

Scholars therefore say an engagement should not be broken without a good reason, such as something serious coming to light about the other person’s Deen or character, or a clear sense after Istikhara that the match is wrong.

If it does need to end, tell the other family directly and respectfully, through the same people who arranged it. Whether gifts are returned is a point on which the schools of law differ, so agree it calmly and check with a scholar if there is a dispute.

Proposing to a Widow or Divorced Woman

A woman in her waiting period (iddah) cannot receive a direct proposal. For a widow, the Quran allows a respectful hint but not an open proposal or a secret promise, and the marriage cannot be contracted until the iddah ends (Quran 2:235).

Scholars apply similar rules to divorced women, with differences of detail, and a woman in the iddah of a revocable divorce should not be approached at all, because her marriage may still be resumed. After the iddah, the proposal follows the same steps as any other. For more on remarriage, read what second marriage looks like for Muslims.

Make Your Proposal Count

A good proposal starts with knowing enough about each other to ask with confidence. On Pure Matrimony, practising Muslims share their Deen, family background and marriage plans up front, and sisters can involve their Wali from the first message, so approaches are made the right way. Create a free profile and take the first step properly.

What Does Rishta Mean?

The word comes from Persian. The Rekhta Urdu dictionary gives its first meaning as “thread, string, line”, and from there it came to mean a connection or relationship between people, whether by blood or by marriage. Urdu also has the fuller phrase rishta-e-izdivaaj, meaning the marriage relationship itself.

In everyday speech among South Asian families, rishta is used in a few related ways:

• A proposal: “We received a rishta for our son.”
• A potential match: “Her aunt is looking for rishtas for her.”
• The relationship between two families: “We already have a rishta with that family.”

In English, the closest equivalents are “marriage proposal” or “match”.

Common Rishta Terms Explained

Term	What it means
Rishta	A marriage proposal or potential match
Rishta aunty	An informal matchmaker, often a relative or community member, who knows many families and suggests matches
Biodata	A short written profile shared between families: age, education, work, family, practice and what the person is looking for
Larka or larki dekhna	“Seeing the boy” or “seeing the girl”: the first visit, when one family visits the other
Haan	“Yes”: the families’ agreement to proceed
Rishta pakka	The match is confirmed by both families
Mangni	The engagement ceremony, sometimes with a ring exchange
Nikah	The Islamic marriage contract itself
Rukhsati	The bride’s departure from her family home to begin married life
Walima	The wedding meal given by the groom, a Sunnah
Jahez	Goods given by the bride’s family, often called dowry. Islam does not require it

 

What Is a Rishta Aunty?

A rishta aunty is the community’s informal matchmaker. She may be a relative, a family friend or a well-connected woman at the mosque, and she keeps a mental (or literal) list of families looking for a match. Some work for free out of goodwill. Others charge a fee.

A good rishta aunty can save months of searching, because she knows families personally. The common complaints are that she may judge matches on looks, height, income or caste rather than Deen and character, and that she may share profiles and photos more widely than a family would like.

If you use one, tell her clearly what matters to you, ask how she shares your details, and do your own enquiries before any meeting.

How the Rishta Process Works, Step by Step

Every family does this a little differently, but most rishta processes follow a similar pattern.

1. Letting the family know you are ready

The process usually starts when parents decide it is time, or when a son or daughter tells them they are ready. It works best when the person getting married starts the conversation and is clear about what they want.

2. Finding prospects

Families look through relatives, friends, the rishta aunty, the mosque and community events. Many British Muslim families now also use marriage platforms, especially when their own networks are small. Our page on Muslim marriage in the UK compares these routes.

3. Exchanging biodata

The families share a short biodata, usually with a photo. This is where honesty matters most. The Prophet ﷺ said, “He who deceives is not of me” (Sahih Muslim 102), and a biodata that hides a previous marriage, a health condition or real income is a deception that the marriage will eventually uncover.

4. Making enquiries

Before a visit, families quietly ask around: what is the family like, how does the person practise, what is their reputation? Done fairly, this is good practice. Our step-by-step guide on how to find a spouse in Islam explains who to ask and what to ask about.

5. The first visit

Traditionally, the man’s family visits the woman’s home, and the families meet over tea. This is the larki dekhna stage. From an Islamic point of view, the couple seeing each other before agreeing is encouraged, not something to be embarrassed about. What matters is that the visit treats both people with dignity, rather than as an inspection.

6. Getting to know each other

If the first visit goes well, the couple usually speak further, by phone or in person, with the families aware. This is the stage to discuss Deen, where you will live, money, careers, children and how both families will be involved. Our list of questions to ask before marriage in Islam covers each of these.

For what is and is not appropriate at this stage, read about keeping the relationship halal before the Nikah.

7. Istikhara and the decision

Before saying yes, many people pray Istikhara for guidance. Our guide explains how to pray Istikhara for marriage and how to read the result. Alongside it, you can keep making dua for marriage throughout the search.

8. Haan, and rishta pakka

When both sides agree, the rishta is confirmed. In Islam, this “yes” must come from the bride and groom themselves, not only from their parents. The Prophet ﷺ said a woman should not be married without her permission (Sahih al-Bukhari 5136).

9. Mangni, Nikah and Walima

Some families hold an engagement, then agree the Mahr and set the Nikah date. The Mahr is the groom’s gift to the bride and is required. Jahez is not. Our guide to Mahr in Islam explains the difference.

Rishta Culture vs Islam

Many families follow customs they have never questioned. Here is where common rishta practices sit against Islamic teaching.

Common practice	What Islam says
Ruling out families of a different caste or biradari	Allah made people into peoples and tribes “that you may know one another”, and “the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you” (Quran 49:13). Compatibility (kafa’ah) matters, but lineage is not a measure of worth.
Judging a girl mainly on skin colour, height or weight	The Prophet ﷺ said: “Verily Allah does not look to your bodies nor to your faces but He looks to your hearts” (Sahih Muslim 2564). Attraction is allowed and important, but it should not override Deen and character.
Parents deciding without asking their son or daughter	Consent is a condition of the Nikah. Parents advise and protect; they cannot decide alone.
Expecting jahez from the bride’s family	Not required. The financial obligation in marriage falls on the groom, through the Mahr and maintenance.
Rejecting a proposal over small details, or leaving families waiting for months	Not a religious requirement. Long delays without reason cause real hurt and should be avoided.

 

For a deeper look at what compatibility really means, see compatibility (kafa’ah) in Islam.

How to Write a Good Rishta Biodata

A biodata is often the first impression, so it is worth getting right. Keep it to one page and include:

• Name, age, height and where you live
• Education and work, described plainly
• How you practise: prayer, hijab or beard if relevant, and your approach to the Deen
• Family: parents, siblings, and whether you live with family
• Marital history, if any, and children
• Two or three lines on your character and interests
• What you are looking for, kept short and focused on essentials

Leave out long wish lists and salary expectations. Share photos only with families you have decided to proceed with, and ask that they are not passed on.

When the Rishta Process Gets Hard

The rishta process can be exhausting: repeated rejections, families who stop replying, and pressure from relatives. A few things help:

• Agree the essentials with your parents first, so you are not arguing about the criteria with every new rishta.
• Say no kindly and promptly. A short, respectful reply through the person who made the introduction is better than silence.
• Do not judge yourself by the number of rejections. Many are about the other family’s priorities, not your worth.

Women in particular often carry extra pressure in this process. We wrote about the hidden struggles Muslim women face when seeking marriage, and about why being single is so hard as a Muslim in the UK.

Find a Rishta the Halal Way

For many families, the old network of relatives and aunties no longer reaches far enough. Pure Matrimony is built for practising Muslims looking for marriage, and it lets you keep what works about the rishta process: families involved, clear intentions and enquiries made properly, while widening your search well beyond your own circle. Create your free profile and let the right rishta find you.

Why Islam Encourages Asking Before You Commit

The Quran calls marriage “a solemn covenant” (Quran 4:21), and describes the hoped-for result as “tranquility”, “affection and mercy” (Quran 30:21). Nobody signs a solemn covenant without reading it first. Asking questions is how you read it.

The Sunnah also expects the couple to agree terms in advance. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the (women’s) private parts”, meaning the conditions of the marriage contract (Sahih al-Bukhari 5151). You cannot agree conditions about things you never discussed.

Seeing each other and talking within Islamic limits is covered step by step in our pillar guide on how to find a spouse in Islam. This article focuses on what to actually ask.

How to Ask: Etiquette Before the Questions

• Keep it halal. Talk with the Wali or family aware, and avoid being alone together. If you are unsure where the lines are, see how to keep a relationship halal before marriage.
• Spread the questions out. Fifty questions in one sitting feels like an exam. Pick the topics that matter most to you for the first conversation and leave the rest for later.
• Answer them yourself first. If you cannot say clearly where you want to live or how you handle money, you are not ready to judge someone else’s answer.
• Ask open questions. “How do you usually spend a weekend?” tells you more than “Are you family-oriented?”
• Let some questions go through the Wali. Topics such as income, debt or previous marriages can feel easier when a parent or Wali asks them.
• Write down what you hear. After several conversations, memory blurs. Notes help you, your family and your Istikhara.

50 Questions to Ask Before Marriage in Islam

Deen and Practice

1. How do you pray day to day, and which prayers do you find hardest to keep?
2. What role do you want Islam to play in our home?
3. How do you seek knowledge now: classes, a teacher, reading, lectures?
4. Do you follow a particular school of thought or scholar, and how strongly?
5. How do you see hijab, the beard and dress, for yourself and for your spouse?
6. How do you feel about music, mixed gatherings and social media?
7. Where would you like to be in your Deen in five years?

Character and Temperament

8. What do you do when you are angry, and how long does it take you to calm down?
9. When did you last apologise, and what for?
10. How would your closest friends describe you?
11. How do you handle stress at work or at home?
12. What habits are you working to change?
13. How do you treat your parents when you disagree with them?

Expectations of Marriage

14. What does a good marriage look like to you, day to day?
15. How do you see the roles of husband and wife in practice?
16. How should we make big decisions together?
17. How do you imagine sharing household tasks?
18. How much time together, and apart, do you need?
19. How soon after the Nikah do you expect to live together?

Family and In-Laws

20. Do you expect to live with your parents after marriage, now or later?
21. How involved do you expect your family to be in our decisions?
22. How often would you want to visit or host family?
23. If a parent needed care later in life, how would you want to handle it?
24. How would you handle a disagreement between your spouse and your parents?

Money and Work

25. What is your current work, and where do you want your career to go?
26. Do you have any debts, and how are you paying them off?
27. How do you feel about interest-based loans and mortgages?
28. Are you a spender or a saver?
29. How do you see a wife working or studying after marriage?
30. How do you understand the husband’s duty to provide, and a wife’s right to keep her own earnings?
31. Do you support family members financially now?

On the last two: the Quran places the duty to provide on the husband according to his means, “Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth” (Quran 65:7), and a wife’s own income remains hers. Couples still need to talk about how this will work in their household.

Children and Parenting

32. Do you want children, and roughly how many?
33. How soon after marriage would you like to start a family?
34. How would you want to raise children: discipline, screen time, routines?
35. What kind of Islamic education do you want for them?
36. State school, Islamic school or home education?
37. If children did not come easily, how would you want to approach it?

Where You Will Live

38. Which city or country do you want to live in, and is that fixed?
39. Would you consider moving for your spouse’s work or family?
40. If one of us is abroad, how would visas and timing work?
41. Renting or buying, and what are your plans for the first few years?

Health and Personal History

42. Is there any health condition, physical or mental, that your spouse should know about?
43. Have you been married before, and do you have children?
44. Is there anything in your circumstances that your spouse’s family would expect to be told?

Ask about circumstances that affect the marriage, not about past sins. The Prophet ﷺ warned against exposing sins Allah has concealed (Sahih al-Bukhari 6069). A previous marriage, children or a health condition must be shared. A private repented mistake does not have to be confessed.

Communication and Conflict

45. How was conflict handled in the home you grew up in?
46. When you are upset, do you want space or to talk it through straight away?
47. Who would you turn to for advice if we were struggling?
48. How do you feel about marriage counselling if we needed it?

The Nikah and Wedding

49. What are your expectations for the Mahr, the Nikah and the Walima?
50. If you live in England or Wales, will you also register the marriage civilly?

For help agreeing the Mahr, read our guide to what Mahr is in Islam. Civil registration matters because, in England and Wales, the law does not usually treat a religious ceremony alone as a valid marriage; decide together before the date is set.

Answers That Should Make You Pause

Most answers are not right or wrong. They tell you whether your lives fit. A few, though, deserve a closer look before going further:

• Vague answers about prayer or Deen, especially if they change from one conversation to the next.
• Reluctance to involve the Wali or family, or pressure to keep things secret.
• Pressure to rush the Nikah before important questions are answered.
• Contempt for parents or for previous spouses, rather than honest disappointment.
• Anger that is described as normal, or stories where they are never at fault.
• Hidden essentials: a previous marriage, children, debts or a condition that comes out late.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of you is the best to his wives” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 3895). How someone speaks about the people closest to them now is one of the clearest signs of how they will treat a spouse. Compatibility in Islamic law goes further than any single answer; our article on kafa’ah and choosing the right spouse explains it.

Questions for the Wali and Family

Some questions belong to the families rather than the couple. The Wali usually asks about income and the ability to provide, the proposed Mahr, living arrangements and the suitor’s family. Families should also ask people who know the suitor about his character and prayer, which our pillar guide explains in its section on asking about a suitor. Sisters’ families should not feel awkward doing this: it is part of the Wali’s role.

Turn the Important Answers Into Nikah Conditions

If an answer really matters to you, such as continuing your studies, working after marriage, or living separately from in-laws, you can ask for it to be written into the Nikah contract, in line with the hadith on marriage stipulations above. Scholars agree that a condition contradicting the purpose of marriage is void, and the schools of law differ on which other conditions are binding. Agree the wording in advance and check it with the imam conducting your Nikah.

Find Someone Who Asks the Same Questions

The right questions only help if the person across from you is serious about marriage too. On Pure Matrimony, practising Muslims set out their Deen, family plans and expectations before the first conversation, and your Wali can be involved from the start. Create a free profile and start talking to people who want the same kind of home.

Dua	Source	Best used for
Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqir	Quran 28:24	Asking Allah for whatever good He has written for you, including a spouse
Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a’yun	Quran 25:74	A spouse and family who bring you joy in this life and help you towards the next
Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanah	Quran 2:201	A complete dua for good in this world, which includes a good spouse, and in the Hereafter
Your own words	Permitted in any language	Asking for exactly what you need, including help with a specific proposal

 

The Best Duas for Marriage From the Quran

1. The Dua of Musa (AS): “I Am in Need of Whatever Good You Send Me”

رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلْتَ إِلَىَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

Transliteration: Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqir.

Meaning: “My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need.” (Quran 28:24)

Musa (AS) made this dua after fleeing Egypt. He arrived in Madyan alone, with no home and no work, and found two women holding their flocks back from the crowded well. He watered their animals for them, then sat in the shade and said these words. A few verses later, the women’s father invites him to their home and offers him one of his daughters in marriage (Quran 28:27).

Two things make this dua so fitting for anyone hoping to marry. Musa (AS) did not name what he wanted. He admitted his need and left the choice of “whatever good” to Allah, and what came was a wife, a home and work. He also made the dua straight after doing something good for others, not while sitting and waiting.

2. The Dua for “Comfort to Our Eyes”

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Transliteration: Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a’yunin waj’alna lil-muttaqina imama.

Meaning: “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us a leader [i.e., example] for the righteous.” (Quran 25:74)

This dua comes at the end of Surah al-Furqan, in the description of “the servants of the Most Merciful”. It asks for more than a spouse. It asks for a spouse and children who are a “comfort to the eyes”, someone you are glad to come home to, and for the whole family to be an example of righteousness. Single people use it while they search, and married couples keep using it for the rest of their lives, which says something about what a good marriage is for.

3. The Dua for Good in This World and the Next

رَبَّنَآ ءَاتِنَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِى ٱلْـَٔاخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ ٱلنَّارِ

Transliteration: Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil-akhirati hasanatan wa qina ‘adhaban-nar.

Meaning: “Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.” (Quran 2:201)

Anas ibn Malik reported that this was the dua the Prophet ﷺ made most often (Sahih al-Bukhari 6389). In his commentary on the verse, Ibn Kathir lists what the scholars of tafsir said the “good of this world” includes: well-being, a spacious home, sufficient provision, beneficial knowledge and “pleasing mates”, among other things. So when you make this dua with marriage in mind, you are asking for a good spouse within a request for everything else you need.

4. A Dua in Your Own Words

Dua does not have to be in Arabic, and it does not have to be a fixed formula. Allah says: “Call upon Me; I will respond to you” (Quran 40:60), and “I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me” (Quran 2:186). Speak to Him plainly about what you want. For example:

“O Allah, make it easy for me to marry a righteous spouse who loves You, who will help me in my Deen and be kind to me, and make our home one of peace. Guide me to them, and guide them to me.”

Being specific about character is fine. Many people find it helps to name the qualities they have written down as non-negotiables, so that the dua and the search pull in the same direction.

Can You Make Dua to Marry a Specific Person?

Yes. Scholars allow a man to ask Allah to make it easy for him to marry a particular woman, and a woman to ask the same about a particular man. IslamQA (answer 219260) adds two pieces of advice. First, a general dua for a righteous spouse is better, because it leaves the choice with Allah and protects your heart from becoming fixed on one outcome. Second, if you do name someone, attach a condition: “O Allah, if marrying this person is good for me, make it easy for me.”

That condition is the heart of Istikhara, the prayer for guidance before a decision. If a proposal is on the table, pray Istikhara as well as making dua. We explain the prayer and its supplication in our guide to how to perform Istikhara for marriage.

When to Make Dua for Marriage

You can make dua at any time. The Sunnah points to certain moments when it is especially likely to be answered:

• The last third of the night. The Prophet ﷺ said that Allah descends to the nearest heaven when the last third of the night remains and asks: “Is there anyone to invoke Me, so that I may respond?” (Sahih al-Bukhari 1145). A few rak’ahs of night prayer before Fajr, followed by dua, is a habit many people keep throughout their search.
• In sujood. “The nearest a servant comes to his Lord is when he is prostrating himself, so make supplication” (Sahih Muslim 482).
• Between the adhan and the iqamah. “The supplication made between the adhan and the iqamah is not rejected” (Sunan Abi Dawud 521, graded sahih by al-Albani). If you pray at the mosque, this is the few minutes you spend waiting for the prayer to start.
• The hour on Friday. The Prophet ﷺ said there is a short time on Friday when a Muslim who is praying and asks Allah for something is given it (Sahih al-Bukhari 935).
• While travelling. The dua of a traveller is one of three that are answered without doubt (Sunan Abi Dawud 1536, graded hasan by al-Albani). A long journey for work, Umrah or a family visit is time worth using.

Ask for Others, and Let Others Ask for You

Two narrations are easy to overlook when you are focused on your own search.

The first is about praying for other people. The Prophet ﷺ said that when a Muslim makes dua for his brother in his absence, an angel says, “And for you the same” (Sahih Muslim 2732). If you have a friend, sibling or cousin who is also looking for a spouse, make dua for them by name. You lose nothing, and the angel’s words cover you too.

The second is about parents. The Prophet ﷺ named “the supplication of a father for his child” among three supplications that are undoubtedly answered (Sunan Ibn Majah 3862, graded hasan by Darussalam). If your parents are alive, ask them to make dua for your marriage. For many families, this simple request also opens a conversation that has been hard to start.

What Can Hold a Dua Back

The Sunnah names a few things that stand between a person and an answered dua. Each is worth checking honestly.

• Impatience. “The invocation of anyone of you is granted (by Allah) if he does not show impatience (by saying, ‘I invoked Allah but my request has not been granted’)” (Sahih al-Bukhari 6340). The danger is not the delay itself, but giving up on dua because of it.
• Unlawful income. The Prophet ﷺ described a traveller, dishevelled and dusty, raising his hands and calling “O Lord, O Lord”, while his food, drink and clothing were from unlawful sources, and asked how such a person could be answered (Sahih Muslim 1015).
• Cutting family ties. In the narration about the three outcomes of dua (below), the Prophet ﷺ excluded someone who has cut off his relatives (Al-Adab al-Mufrad 710). Marriage searches sometimes cause real tension at home. Disagreeing with family is not the same as cutting them off, but if a relationship has broken down, mending it is part of the work.

When Your Dua Seems Unanswered

Months or years of asking without a proposal can make anyone wonder whether their dua is being heard. The Sunnah answers this directly. The Prophet ﷺ said that a Muslim who makes dua is given one of three things: the request is granted soon, or it is stored up for them in the Hereafter, or an equal harm is turned away from them. When the Companions said they would then make a lot of dua, he replied, “Allah has more still to give” (Al-Adab al-Mufrad 710, graded sahih by al-Albani).

He also said that Allah is generous and “is ashamed to turn away empty the hands of His servant when he raises them to Him” (Sunan Abi Dawud 1488, graded sahih by al-Albani). No sincere dua is wasted. A proposal that fell through may be the harm that was turned away. The spouse you have not met yet may be the answer still on its way.

If rejection has worn you down, our piece on why rejection does not define your next search may help, and women carrying the extra pressures of the search may find the hidden struggles Muslim women face when seeking marriage familiar.

Dua and Effort Go Together

A man asked the Prophet ﷺ whether he should tie his camel and rely on Allah, or leave it loose and rely on Allah. He replied: “Tie it and rely upon Allah” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 2517, graded hasan by Darussalam). Dua for marriage works the same way. It is not a replacement for telling your family you are ready, asking trusted people to look out for you, or meeting someone suitable. It is what you do alongside all of that.

Allah also promises that “whoever fears Allah, He will make for him a way out, and will provide for him from where he does not expect” (Quran 65:2 to 65:3). Many couples can point to an introduction that came from somewhere they never expected. For the practical side of the search, from setting your priorities to involving the Wali, follow our guide on how to find a spouse in Islam.

A Note on Wazifas and Fixed Counts

Search for “dua for marriage” and you will find many wazifas: a verse or name of Allah to recite a set number of times, often with a promise of quick results. These counts are not found in the Quran or the authentic Sunnah. Scholars differ on them. Some allow a recitation that has been found helpful, as long as the person does not believe the number is required or that the result is guaranteed. Others prefer to stay with the duas taught in the Quran and Sunnah. If you are unsure, ask a scholar you trust, and treat any claim that a recitation will “guarantee” a marriage within days with caution. Only Allah decides when and whom you marry.

The Dua for a Newly Married Couple

Once the search ends in a Nikah, a different dua takes over. When the Prophet ﷺ congratulated someone on his marriage, he said:

بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ وَبَارَكَ عَلَيْكَ وَجَمَعَ بَيْنَكُمَا فِي خَيْرٍ

Transliteration: Barakallahu laka wa baraka ‘alayka wa jama’a baynakuma fi khayr.

Meaning: “May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good” (Sunan Abi Dawud 2130, graded sahih by al-Albani).

It is the dua guests say to the couple at the Nikah, and a good one to learn now, while you are still making dua for your own.

Make Dua, Then Take the Next Step

Dua asks Allah to open a door. Pure Matrimony is one way to walk through it: a marriage platform for practising Muslims, where you can describe the Deen and character you are looking for and involve your Wali and family from the first conversation. Keep making dua for the right person, and create your free profile so they have a way to find you.

Step 1: Make Your Intention Clear

The Prophet ﷺ said that “the reward of deeds depends upon the intentions”, and in the same hadith he mentioned a man whose emigration was “for a woman to marry” (Sahih al-Bukhari 1). Marriage is not outside this principle. Ask yourself why you want to marry now: to complete half your Deen, to guard your chastity, to build a family, to find companionship. Writing the answer down helps more than people expect, because it becomes the measure you return to when the search gets confusing.

If you want to understand why marriage carries so much weight in Islam, read why marriage is considered half your Deen.

Step 2: Check That You Are Ready

The Prophet ﷺ addressed young people directly: “Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry”, and advised those who could not yet do so to fast (Sahih al-Bukhari 5065). Being able includes being able to provide for a household and to carry the responsibilities of marriage. It does not mean being wealthy. The Quran tells families to help the unmarried marry and promises that “if they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty” (Quran 24:32).

Readiness is also emotional and practical. Can you communicate calmly, admit fault, and put a spouse’s rights before your own convenience? Our guide to the signs you are ready for marriage covers this in more detail.

Step 3: Decide What Matters Most

The Prophet ﷺ said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090). Scholars apply the same priority when a woman and her family consider a man: Deen and character come before money, looks and status.

A simple exercise makes this practical. Write three short lists:

• Non-negotiables: the few things you will not compromise on, such as regular prayer, honesty, or a shared view on where to live.
• Strong preferences: things that matter but could be balanced against other qualities, such as a similar level of education or the same school of thought.
• Nice to have: height, profession, family background and similar details.

Most people who struggle to find a spouse have far too many items on the first list. Keep it short and honest. For a deeper look at compatibility in Islamic law (kafa’ah), see compatibility in Islam and choosing the right spouse.

Step 4: Tell the People Who Can Help

In the early Muslim community, families took the initiative openly. When Hafsah bint Umar was widowed, her father Umar ibn al-Khattab offered her hand first to Uthman and then to Abu Bakr, before the Prophet ﷺ proposed to her himself (Sahih al-Bukhari 5122). Imam al-Bukhari placed the report in a chapter on presenting one’s daughter or sister for marriage to a righteous man. Letting people know you are looking was never a source of shame.

In practice, tell your parents, your Wali if you are a woman, and one or two trusted people at your mosque or in your community. Give them a short written introduction: your age, work, where you live, how you practise, and what you are looking for. A clear introduction gets passed on. A vague “let me know if you hear of anyone” usually does not.

Step 5: Search Through Halal Routes

Islam does not fix one way of meeting a spouse. What it regulates is how people interact. Allah says: “And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way” (Quran 17:32). Notice that the verse says “do not approach”, which is why Muslims avoid the routes that lead towards it, such as secret relationships and dating.

The routes Muslims commonly use today are:

• Family and relatives: still the most common route, and the one with the most built-in accountability. Many South Asian families call this the rishta process; our guide to rishta meaning explains how it works.
• Mosques and community networks: many mosques run introductions or have an imam who helps families connect.
• Trusted matchmakers: useful when your own network is small, as long as they are known and reliable.
• Friends and colleagues: introductions through people who know both sides well.
• Muslim marriage platforms: helpful when family networks are thin, which is often the case for converts, people who have moved cities, and second-generation Muslims in the UK.

If you use a platform, judge it by three questions. Is it built for marriage rather than dating? Does it let you involve your Wali and family? Does it verify its members? For where the line falls between a halal introduction and dating, our dating in Islam FAQ answers the common questions.

Step 6: Involve the Wali and Both Families Early

The Prophet ﷺ said: “There is no marriage without the permission of a guardian” (Sunan Abi Dawud 2085). Most schools of Islamic law require the Wali for a woman’s marriage, while the Hanafi school allows an adult woman to contract her own marriage, though it still strongly encourages her guardian’s involvement. Whatever school you follow, involving the Wali early protects both sides and shows that the intention is serious. If you are the one making the approach, our guide on how to propose in Islam walks through it step by step.

The Wali’s role has limits. The Prophet ﷺ said a previously married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a woman marrying for the first time not without her permission (Sahih al-Bukhari 5136). When Khansa bint Khidam was married by her father to a man she did not want, the Prophet ﷺ declared the marriage invalid (Sahih al-Bukhari 5138). Families propose, advise and protect. They cannot decide for her.

Step 7: Meet, Look and Talk Within Islamic Limits

When al-Mughirah ibn Shu’bah proposed to a woman, the Prophet ﷺ told him to look at her, “for indeed that is more likely to make things better between the two of you” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1087). He told another man who had agreed to marry a woman of the Ansar without seeing her to go and look first (Sahih Muslim 1424). Seeing each other before agreeing is part of the Sunnah, not something to feel awkward about.

Meetings should be purposeful and not in private (khalwah): at a family home, with a relative present, or in a public place with the families’ knowledge. Online conversations follow the same principle. Keep them focused on marriage, and keep the Wali or family aware. Use the time to talk about the things that decide whether a marriage works: how each of you practises, where you would live, money, children, careers, and how you handle disagreement. For a full list grouped by topic, see our 50 questions to ask before marriage in Islam. Our guide to a halal relationship before marriage covers the boundaries in more detail.

One rule of etiquette matters here. The Prophet ﷺ forbade a man from proposing to a woman already engaged to another Muslim, unless the first suitor withdraws or gives permission (Sahih al-Bukhari 5142). If someone is already in serious talks, wait.

Step 8: Ask About Them, and Be Honest About Yourself

When Fatimah bint Qays received two proposals, she asked the Prophet ﷺ about both men. He told her plainly that one “does not put down his staff from his shoulder” and that the other was “a poor man having no property”, and advised her to marry Usamah ibn Zayd instead. She did, and later said that Allah placed blessing in the marriage (Sahih Muslim 1480). Scholars cite this report as evidence that giving honest information about a suitor, when asked, is permitted and is not backbiting.

Before you commit, speak to people who know the other person: an imam, a teacher, colleagues, friends of the family. Ask about character, prayer, temper and how they treat their parents. Be equally honest about yourself, including past marriages, health issues and debts. A marriage that begins with something hidden starts with a weakness.

Step 9: Pray Istikhara and Seek Advice

The Prophet ﷺ taught his Companions to pray Istikhara “in all matters as he taught us the Suras of the Qur’an” (Sahih al-Bukhari 1166). It is a two-rak’ah prayer followed by a supplication asking Allah to make the matter easy if it is good, and to turn it away if it is not. Istikhara does not depend on a dream or a sign. Many scholars explain that its answer is seen in how the matter unfolds after you pray. Our guide to Istikhara for marriage explains how to pray it.

Allah also told the Prophet ﷺ to “consult them in the matter” (Quran 3:159). Pair Istikhara with advice from people whose Deen and judgement you trust. Keep making dua throughout: our guide to dua for marriage gives the duas from the Quran and Sunnah in Arabic, with their meanings.

Step 10: Move to Nikah Without Needless Delay

Once both sides are satisfied, there is little reason to drift. Long engagements with no clear plan put pressure on everyone and open the door to the very situations the boundaries were meant to prevent. Agree the essentials, then set a date:

• The Mahr: the amount, its form and whether any of it is deferred.
• Where you will live and how household costs will be shared.
• What each family expects in the first years of marriage.
• A simple Nikah, with a Walima that fits your means.

For couples in England and Wales, remember that a Nikah on its own is usually not a legally registered marriage. Many couples also hold a civil registration, on the same day or separately.

How to Find a Wife in Islam: Advice for Men

• Approach through the family. If you are interested in someone, the respectful route is through her Wali or family, not private messages.
• Be ready to answer questions. Her family will ask about your Deen, your work, your plans and your own family. Have clear, honest answers.
• Show that you can provide. You do not need to be rich, but you should be able to show a realistic plan for supporting a household.
• Accept a “no” graciously. Her consent is a condition of the Nikah. A refusal is not an insult, and how you respond to one says a lot about your character.

How to Find a Husband in Islam: Advice for Women

• You can take the first step. Khadijah, according to the early biographies of the Prophet ﷺ, sent a messenger to propose marriage to him. Sahih al-Bukhari also records a woman who came to the Prophet ﷺ to offer herself in marriage (Sahih al-Bukhari 5087). Letting your family know you are ready, or asking them to approach a suitable man, is entirely within the Sunnah.
• Bring in your Wali early. His involvement protects you, and a serious man will expect it.
• Ask about him. Use the step above: speak to people who know him, and do not rely only on what he says about himself.
• Your consent is yours. No one can marry you to a man you do not want.

If the search is weighing on you, you are not alone. We wrote about the hidden struggles Muslim women face when seeking marriage.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

• Waiting for perfection. Nobody meets every item on a long list. Go back to your non-negotiables.
• Talking for months with no direction. If you know enough to decide, decide.
• Letting culture override Deen. Turning down a practising, good-natured person because of caste, ethnicity or the size of the wedding has no basis in the Sunnah.
• Hiding things. Problems concealed before the Nikah tend to surface after it.
• Giving up after a rejection. Rejection is part of most people’s search. Read why it does not define your next search.

Some situations bring their own questions. If you are a convert, see Muslim convert marriage: what nobody tells you after Shahada. If you are marrying again, see what second marriage looks like for Muslims.

Start Your Search the Halal Way

Pure Matrimony was built for practising Muslims who want to search this way. It is designed for marriage, not casual chat, and you can involve your Wali and family from the start. Create a free profile and begin your search today.

Is There a Maximum Mahr?

No. The jurists agree that Islam places no ceiling on the Mahr, even though they disagree about the floor (Islamweb, fatwa 90124).

The evidence usually cited is Quran 4:20, which tells husbands not to take back what they gave, even if they gave “a great amount”. The Arabic word there is qintar, a heap of wealth. The verse would make little sense if such a gift were forbidden in the first place.

But a permission is not a recommendation. The Darul Uloom Deoband fatwa department, for example, allows a husband to give more “according to one’s standard” while warning that a Mahr inflated to show off is not acceptable (fatwa 1135/868/L=1431). A large Mahr is lawful; a large Mahr chosen for status is a different matter.

The Minimum Mahr in Each School

This is where the schools genuinely differ, so the answer depends on which school your family and your imam follow.

School	Minimum Mahr	Approximate weight
Hanafi	10 dirhams of silver	30.618 g of silver
Maliki	A quarter dinar of gold, or 3 dirhams of silver	About 9.2 g of silver
Shafi’i	No fixed minimum	Anything with value
Hanbali	No fixed minimum	Anything with value

 

Hanafi

The Hanafi school, followed by most Muslims of South Asian heritage, sets the minimum at ten dirhams. Darul Uloom Deoband converts this to 30.618 grams of silver and advises that a Mahr should not be fixed below it (fatwa 1135/868/L=1431). If a couple does name less, the Nikah still stands, but the husband owes the full minimum (fatwa 1194/1185/N=11/1437). That fatwa was written about a token Mahr of 786 rupees, a figure some families still choose for its symbolism.

Maliki

Imam Malik tied the minimum to a quarter of a dinar, the same threshold the law uses for the theft penalty, and said he did not think women should be married for less (Muwatta Malik, Book 28). In silver, Maliki teachers give the equivalent as three dirhams, roughly 9.2 grams (Jamiatul Ulama KZN, 2016).

Shafi’i and Hanbali

These schools set no lower limit. Anything with value that the bride accepts can serve, and a non-material Mahr is also allowed (Jamiatul Ulama KZN). Their evidence includes the man whom the Prophet ﷺ sent to find “even an iron ring” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1114). Islamweb’s fatwa team also treats “no minimum” as the stronger view.

In practice, if the imam conducting your Nikah follows the Hanafi school, expect the ten-dirham floor to apply. If you are unsure, ask him before the day.

The Sunnah Amount of Mahr

What the Prophet ﷺ Gave His Wives

Abu Salamah asked Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) how much the Prophet ﷺ gave his wives. She said it was twelve uqiyah and a nash, explained that a nash is half an uqiyah, and that the total came to five hundred dirhams (Sahih Muslim 1426). Umar ibn al-Khattab later confirmed that none of the Prophet’s wives or daughters received more than twelve uqiyah (Sunan Abi Dawud 2106).

Using the same dirham weight as the Hanafi minimum (3.0618 g), 500 dirhams equals about 1,530.9 grams of silver.

Mahr Fatimi

In South Asian and British Asian families, “Mahr Fatimi” refers to the Mahr of Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her), the Prophet’s daughter, when she married Ali. It is a popular choice because it follows the Sunnah, but scholars do not all give the same figure. A detailed answer from Darul Ifta Azaadville lists the views (Mahr Azwaj an-Nabi):

• 500 dirhams: the view of Mawlana Ashraf Ali Thanawi, Mufti Muhammad Shafi and others, and the one the answer prefers.
• 480 dirhams: preferred by Mufti Rashid Ahmad Ludhianvi.
• 400 dirhams: mentioned in later Hanafi works, though the narration is quoted without a chain.

The same answer says any amount from 400 to 500 dirhams fulfils the Sunnah. So if your families agree on “Mahr Fatimi”, agree on the number of dirhams as well, and write down the figure rather than the name alone.

What Are These Amounts Worth Today?

Old weights do not convert into a fixed number of pounds, because the price of silver moves every day. The reliable way to work out a figure is a short calculation:

1. Take the number of dirhams (10, 500 or whatever you have agreed).
2. Multiply by 3.0618 to get grams of silver.
3. Check today’s silver price per gram in pounds from a live bullion price page.
4. Multiply the grams by that price.
5. Write the result, and the date, in your Nikah contract.

As a worked example, the UK spot price of silver on 3 November 2026 was about £1.17 per gram (goldpricez.com):

Amount	Silver	Value at £1.17/g (3 Nov 2026)
Maliki minimum (3 dirhams)	9.19 g	about £11
Hanafi minimum (10 dirhams)	30.618 g	about £36
Mahr Fatimi, 480-dirham view	1,469.7 g	about £1,720
Prophet’s Mahr / Mahr Fatimi (500 dirhams)	1,530.9 g	about £1,791

 

Treat these as a guide, not a quote. The price fell almost 11% on 3 November alone. Scholars also use slightly different dirham weights (some round to 3.06 g or 3.1 g), which shifts the result by a few per cent. And the spot price is not what you would pay for physical silver: bars and coins carry a dealer premium, and VAT is charged on silver bullion in the UK. If the groom intends to hand over actual silver, price it with a dealer.

Why the Sunnah Encourages a Modest Mahr

When Umar ibn al-Khattab was Caliph, he addressed the people about Mahr directly: “Do not go to extremes in giving women their dower.” His reasoning was that if a large Mahr were a mark of honour or piety, the Prophet ﷺ would have been the first to give one, yet he never gave more than twelve uqiyah (Sunan Abi Dawud 2106, graded hasan sahih by al-Albani). In another narration, Umar adds a warning: a man can raise the Mahr so high that he comes to resent his wife and tells her she cost him everything he owned (Sunan Ibn Majah 1887).

Ibn Taymiyyah drew the practical conclusion: a man of limited means should not commit to more than he can pay without hardship (quoted by IslamQA, answer 10525).

Modest, though, does not mean token. The Mahr is the bride’s right, and Quran 4:4 commands that it be given “graciously”. The aim of the Sunnah is a Mahr that honours her and that the groom can actually pay, not the smallest figure the rules allow.

How to Decide Your Mahr

There is no single right number. These questions usually lead couples to a fair one:

• What does the bride want? The Mahr belongs to her, so her wishes come first. She may take advice from her Wali and family, but the choice is hers.
• What can the groom pay? A Mahr agreed in the hope that it will never be asked for is not an honest agreement. Look at his savings and income, not at what other families have announced.
• What is usual in her family? The amounts given to her sisters and cousins are a sensible reference point. Classical law calls this the customary Mahr (mahr al-mithl) and uses it when no amount was named.
• Should part of it be deferred? Splitting the Mahr between a prompt payment and a deferred one can make a fair amount affordable, but a deferred Mahr is still a real debt. Our guide to the types of Mahr explains how prompt and deferred Mahr work.
• What form should it take? Cash is simplest. Fixing the amount in grams of gold or silver protects its value if payment is years away.
• Is it written down? Record the amount, the form, the timing and the date in the Nikah contract, and keep a copy each.

The best time for all of this is the engagement conversation, long before the Nikah day. For the basics of what Mahr is and who owns it, see our guide to Mahr in Islam, and for how it differs from a dowry, see Mahr vs dowry.

Looking for a Spouse Who Shares Your Values?

Settling a figure like this is much easier when both families already see marriage the same way. On Pure Matrimony, practising Muslims searching for a spouse can bring their Wali and family into the conversation from the start, so questions about Mahr are discussed openly rather than left for the Nikah day. Create a free profile and begin your search today.

Mahr vs Dowry at a Glance

Aspect	Mahr	Dowry (Jahez / Dahej)
Who gives it	The groom	The bride’s family
Who receives it	The bride	The groom, his family, or the new household
Who owns it	The bride, outright	Depends on custom and on who it was given to
Status in Islam	Obligatory part of the Nikah	Not required; demanding it is not permitted
Status in law	Excluded from India’s legal definition of dowry; treated as a contract in some UK cases	A criminal offence in India; restricted by law in Pakistan
Purpose	A right and a gift for the wife	A social expectation, often tied to family status

The confusion usually starts with language. Many English translations call the Mahr a “dowry”, so people assume the two are the same thing, or that one replaces the other.

In practice, many South Asian families have both, and the cultural one often ends up costing far more.

What Is Mahr?

The Mahr is the gift a husband owes his wife as part of the Nikah, based on Quran 4:4. 

It belongs to her; it can be money, gold, or anything of value she agrees to, and it can be paid at the Nikah or deferred. Our guide to how much Mahr should be covers the minimum and Sunnah amounts. 

When ‘Ali married Fatimah, the Prophet ﷺ asked him to give her something, and when ‘Ali said he had nothing, he pointed him to his coat of mail (Sunan Abi Dawud 2125). 

Even in the Prophet’s own family, the obligation ran from the groom to the bride.

For the full picture, including who owns it, what it can be, and how to agree to it, read our guide to Mahr in Islam.

What Is Dowry (Jahez or Dahej)?

Dowry as a Cultural Practice

In Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, and in many British families from those backgrounds, jahez usually means everything the bride’s parents provide when she marries: furniture, kitchenware, clothes, jewellery, electronics, sometimes a car or cash.

It is often displayed or listed, and its size is quietly compared between families.

Some parents give generously and happily. Many others feel they have no choice.

Families save for years, take on debt, or delay a daughter’s marriage because they cannot meet what is expected. That pressure, not the act of giving a gift, is the heart of the problem.

Why “Dowry” Is a Misleading Translation of Mahr

In English, a dowry is “the money, goods, or estate that a woman brings to her husband in marriage” (Merriam-Webster).

That is the opposite of the Mahr, which is given to the woman.

When older translations rendered Mahr as “dowry”, they blurred two practices that flow in opposite directions. 

If you need an English word for Mahr, “bridal gift” or “marriage gift” is far clearer.

Is Dowry Allowed in Islam?

Scholars separate three different things, and it helps to keep them apart.

1. Dowry Is Not an Islamic Requirement

Nothing in the Quran or Sunnah obliges a bride’s family to provide anything. 

The Darul Iftaa of Jameah Mahmoodiyah answers plainly that “it is not compulsory upon the girl’s parents to give Jaheez” (IslamQA). 

A Nikah is complete with the Mahr, the bride’s consent, her Wali, and witnesses. Nothing from her family is part of it.

2. Demanding a Dowry Is Not Permitted

This is where scholars are firm. Asked about in-laws who ask for money before a marriage, Darul Uloom Deoband ruled that “it is not lawful for in-laws to demand money due to marrying the girl; it is a bribe” (Fatwa 858).

In a separate answer, it stated that “it is unlawful to demand whether in the name of tilak or dowry” (Fatwa 1698).

Askmufti, under Mufti Siraj Desai, gives the same answer: jahez “must not be demanded from the girl’s party” (IslamQA).

A demand does not have to be spoken to count. Hints about what “other families” gave, or a list handed over through a relative, put the same pressure on the bride’s parents.

3. Voluntary Gifts From Parents Are a Separate Matter

Parents may still choose to help their daughter set up her home. The same Askmufti answer allows such gifts when given willingly and happily, adding that the family “must not feel forced or compelled to give something because of the usual custom”. 

The Mahmoodiyah answer suggests that where parents insist on giving, it is better to give things the bride herself controls, such as cash or property in her name, and never at the cost of debt or of their other children.

What About Fatimah’s “Jahez”?

People who defend dowry often cite the narration that “the Messenger of Allah fitted out Fatimah with a velvet dress, a water-skin and a pillow stuffed with Idhkhar” (Sunan an-Nasa’i 3384, graded Sahih). 

Read closely; it describes a father giving his daughter a few simple, practical things. There is no mention of anyone asking for them, and Ali still gave his Mahr. 

It offers no support for lists, expectations, or debt, and if anything, it shows how modest a bride’s household could be.

The Legal Picture: India, Pakistan, and the UK

Dowry is not only a religious question. In several countries, it is also a legal one. The summary below is general information, not legal advice.

• India: under the Dowry Prohibition Act 1961, giving or taking dowry is an offence carrying a minimum of five years’ imprisonment, although some states have amended the penalty. The Act’s definition of dowry “does not include dower or mahr in the case of persons to whom the Muslim Personal Law (Shariat) applies”. Indian law itself draws the same line this article does.
• Pakistan: Dowry and Bridal Gifts (Restriction) Act 1976 limits the value of dowry and bridal gifts and the amount that can be spent on wedding functions. It has been amended since then, so check the current figures to verify completely.
• United Kingdom: there is no dowry-specific law, but pressure over money and property can still be unlawful. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 includes economic abuse in its definition of domestic abuse and covers relatives as well as partners. Anyone facing threats or harassment over dowry can call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, free on 0808 2000 247, 24 hours a day.

Handling Dowry Expectations as a Couple

Most couples do not want a dowry. The pressure usually comes from relatives, and it often arrives late, when the wedding date is set and backing out feels impossible. 

A few steps make it far easier to handle.

1. Raise it early. Talk about expectations, including jahez, during the engagement conversation, before families have announced anything.
2. Start from what Islam requires. The Mahr is the bride’s right and is not optional. Jahez is neither. Framing the discussion this way keeps it about principle, not about anyone’s family.
3. Let the groom’s side lead. The clearest message comes from the groom and his parents saying, plainly and early, that they want nothing from the bride’s family.
4. Involve the Wali. The bride’s Wali can set boundaries with the other family more easily than the bride can and keep the discussion between elders.
5. Be gentle with elders. For many parents, jahez is how they were taught to show love and protect their daughter’s standing. Acknowledge that intention, then suggest gifts that stay in her name instead.
6. Remember who hosts. The Sunnah places the wedding meal with the groom. The Prophet ﷺ told ‘Abdur-Rahman ibn ‘Awf, “Give a banquet, even if with one sheep” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5167). A Walima hosted by the groom’s side, at a scale he can afford, takes much of the financial weight off the bride’s family.
   

Our guide to Muslim marriage practices in the UK covers how families can keep cultural traditions that are lawful and affordable while dropping the ones that cause harm.

Start With Families Who Share Your Values

Dowry disputes are far less likely when both families already agree on what a Nikah should look like. 

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The Takeaway

Mahr is a right of the bride in Islam. Dowry is a custom that Islam does not require, and demanding it is not allowed. 

Parents may still give their daughter gifts freely, but nothing should be expected, listed, or paid for with debt. 

Discuss this early, let the groom’s family say it clearly, and keep the focus of the Nikah where the Sunnah puts it.

Two Ways to Classify Mahr

Most confusion about “types of Mahr” comes from mixing two separate questions. 

The first is how the amount was decided. The second is when it has to be handed over. Every Mahr answers both, so every Mahr has one label from each column.

Category	Type	Meaning
By how it is set	Specified (Al-Mahr Al-Musamma)	An amount agreed by the couple and named in the contract
	Customary (Mahr Al-Mithl)	A fair amount owed when nothing was named, based on comparable women
By when it is paid	Prompt (Mu’ajjal)	Due at the Nikah, or whenever the wife asks for it
	Deferred (Mu’akhkhar)	Due at an agreed later date, or on divorce or death

So a couple might agree a specified Mahr of a fixed sum, with half paid at the Nikah and half deferred. That one Mahr is specified, and it is partly prompt and partly deferred.

Types by How the Mahr Is Set

Specified Mahr (Al-Mahr Al-Musamma)

This is the Mahr most couples have: an amount or item the bride agrees to, named in the Nikah and usually written on the certificate. Cash, gold, property or any other item of value can serve, provided she accepts it. For the minimum in each school and the Sunnah amount, see our guide to how much Mahr should be. There is no upper limit, and the schools of law differ on the minimum.

Once it is named, it is the measure of everything that follows. If the marriage later ends, the questions of half, full, or returned Mahr are all determined by this figure. That is the strongest practical reason to name it precisely.

Customary Mahr (Mahr al-Mithl)

Sometimes no Mahr is named at all, or the parties wrongly agree that there will be none. The Nikah is still valid, and the Mahr is not lost. 

The Hanafi jurist Imam al-Mawsili explains that in this case, the wife receives “what is typically received by similar brides” once the marriage is consummated or her husband dies (Darul Iftaa, citing al-Ikhtiyar). 

The Prophet ﷺ approved the same outcome for Birwa bint Washiq, whose husband died before any Mahr was fixed (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1145).

How is “similar” decided? 

In the Hanafi school, the comparison is with women of her father’s family, such as sisters, paternal aunts and cousins. Al-Mawsili lists the factors: age, beauty, virginity, locality, time and wealth, and where no relative is comparable, women outside the family are used (SeekersGuidance, quoting al-Mukhtar). 

Other schools use slightly different comparators, so in a real dispute, this is a question for a scholar or a Shariah council.

Types by When the Mahr Is Paid

First, a word on spelling, because it causes real misunderstandings. Two different Arabic words are both written in English as “Muajjal”:

• معجّل (Mu’ajjal) means hastened: the prompt Mahr.
• مؤجّل (Mu’ajjal or Muwajjal) means postponed: the deferred Mahr, also called Mu’akhkhar (مؤخّر) or Ghayr Mu’ajjal.
  

Even scholarly answers switch between them. A Darul Uloom Deoband fatwa, for example, writes “Mo’aj’jal” for prompt and “Mowajjal” for deferred (Fatwa 597/361). 

The safest fix is simple: write “prompt” and “deferred” in plain English on your Nikah certificate, next to the amounts.

Prompt Mahr (Mu’ajjal)

The prompt Mahr is due at the Nikah, and the wife may ask for it at any time afterwards (Darul Iftaa, Leicester). It also carries a protection that many brides do not know about. 

Scholars agree that a wife may decline to consummate the marriage until she has received her prompt Mahr, a consensus reported by Ibn al-Mundhir (Dorar.net). 

The Deoband fatwa above adds that, in the Hanafi view, she may also decline to travel with him until it is paid. This is her right, not an obligation. She can choose to be patient or to give her husband more time.

Deferred Mahr (Mu’akhkhar)

The deferred Mahr is paid later: on a date the couple agree, or, if no date is set, when the marriage ends by divorce or death. 

The wife cannot demand it before it falls due. Because of this, the same Deoband fatwa notes that she may not withhold herself over a deferred Mahr.

Some families split the Mahr three ways. Ibn Abidin describes contracts where part is paid at once, part is deferred to divorce or death, and part is paid in instalments. 

On divorce, the part deferred to divorce becomes due immediately, but the instalments continue on their agreed dates (cited by Darul Iftaa).

What Happens to the Mahr on Divorce or Death?

Divorce Before Consummation

If a Mahr was specified, the wife receives half of it. Quran 2:237 says: “then (give) half of what you specified”, unless she chooses to forgo it, adding that “to forgo it is nearer to righteousness”. 

If no Mahr was specified, there is no half to give. Instead, Quran 2:236 requires a gift of compensation (Mut’ah), “the wealthy according to his capability and the poor according to his capability”.

Divorce After Consummation

Once the marriage has been consummated, the whole Mahr is hers. Anything still deferred to divorce becomes payable when the husband divorces her, and he may not take back what he has already given (Quran 4:20).

When the Wife Seeks Khul’

Khul’ is different because the wife is asking to end the marriage. The Quran allows her to give something to secure her release (Quran 2:229), and in practice, this is usually the Mahr. 

When the wife of Thabit ibn Qais asked the Prophet ﷺ to end her marriage, he asked, “Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you?” She agreed, and the marriage was ended (Sahih al-Bukhari 5273). 

What is returned or waived is agreed between the two, so a wife seeking khul’ should be clear about any unpaid deferred Mahr before she agrees to the terms.

On the Husband’s Death

An unpaid Mahr, prompt or deferred, does not disappear when a husband dies. 

It is a debt owed to his wife, and the Quran places debts before the division of an estate: inheritance shares are given “after any bequest you [may have] made or debt” (Quran 4:12). 

She receives her Mahr from the estate first, and then her own share of the inheritance as his widow.

Choosing Between Prompt and Deferred Mahr

Neither option is more Islamic than the other. Each suits different situations, and many couples combine them.

• Prompt Mahr gives the bride her right in full from day one. It suits a groom who can pay now, and it avoids an old debt hanging over the marriage. 
• Deferred Mahr lets a groom of modest means marry sooner and gives the wife financial security if the marriage ends. Its weakness is that it is easy to agree and easy to forget. 
• A split, part prompt and part deferred, is a widely used middle way.
  

Whichever you choose, write down the exact amount or item, which part is prompt and which is deferred, and when the deferred part is due. If you defer cash over many years, consider whether its value will hold, for example, by fixing the deferred part in gold rather than cash. 

Discuss all of this calmly during your engagement conversation, not on the day of the Nikah.

Whether a Mahr can be enforced through the civil courts depends on where you live and how your marriage was registered, so take legal advice if that matters to you.

For the wider picture, including who owns the Mahr and what can be given, read our complete guide to Mahr in Islam.

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The Takeaway

Every Mahr has two labels: specified or customary, and prompt or deferred. 

The first tells you the amount; the second tells you when the bride can claim it. 

Name the Mahr precisely, write “prompt” and “deferred” in plain English, and make sure both families understand what happens if the marriage ever ends. 

When a case is unclear, ask a scholar you trust.

Mahr, Mehr, Haq Mehr: One Obligation, Many Names

Couples often use several words for the same thing, and it is worth clearing them up before anything else.

“Mahr” is the Arabic term used by the jurists. “Mehr” or “Meher” is how the same word is usually said and spelled in South Asia and in British Pakistani, Indian, and Bangladeshi families. 

“Haq Mehr” simply means “the right of Mahr”, a reminder that it is the bride’s right rather than a favour. Classical books also use “Sadaq”, and English legal writing often uses “dower”.

The Quran itself does not use the word “Mahr”. It speaks of women’s Saduqat (gifts given in sincerity) in 4:4 and their Ujur (their due) in 4:24. All of these point to one obligation.

The one translation to avoid is “dowry”. In South Asian usage, dowry (Jahez or Dahej) runs the other way, from the bride’s family to the groom’s side, and Islam does not require it. Our guide to Mahr vs dowry explains the differences in full. 

What the Quran and Sunnah Say About Mahr

The Quranic Basis

The clearest command is Quran 4:4: “And give the women (upon marriage) their (bridal) gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.”

The verse does two things. It makes the gift a duty owed to the wife, and it gives her, and only her, the choice to hand any of it back. Quran 4:24 repeats the point when it tells husbands to give wives “their due compensation as an obligation”.

Is Mahr Compulsory?

Yes. Mahr is an obligation of every Nikah, and a husband cannot contract it away. What surprises many people is that a Nikah in which no amount was named is still generally treated as valid. The Mahr is not cancelled; it is simply owed at a standard level.

The evidence comes from a case the Prophet ﷺ decided himself. Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1145 reports that Ibn Mas’ud was asked about a man who married without fixing a Mahr and died before the marriage was consummated. He ruled that she should receive the Mahr of women like her, “no less and no more”, along with inheritance. A Companion then confirmed that the Prophet ﷺ had judged the same for Birwa bint Washiq. Quran 2:236, which addresses divorce where no obligation had been specified, also assumes such a marriage existed.

Scholars call this standard amount Mahr al-Mithl, the Mahr of a woman of similar standing. The schools differ on some details, so treat this as the general rule and ask a scholar about a particular case. 

Who Does the Mahr Belong To?

The Mahr is the wife’s own property. It is not a payment to her parents, and it is not a fund for the wedding.

IslamQA, in an answer by Shaykh Muhammad Salih al-Munajjid, describes the Mahr as “the right of the wife” and says her father may not take it without her consent. IslamOnline adds a practical point: if the groom hands the Mahr to the bride’s father, that is acceptable, but the father must pass it on to her.

Three further rules follow from the same principle.

• She may give it up, but only freely. Under Quran 4:4, a wife may waive part or all of her Mahr. Darul Iftaa Birmingham stresses that this must be her own choice, made “without any pressure”.

• The husband cannot take it back. Quran 4:20 says that even if a husband has given “a great amount”, he must “not take (back) from it anything”. The main exception is Khul’, where a wife asks to end the marriage and may return the Mahr (Quran 2:229).

• An unpaid Mahr is a debt. If the husband dies before paying it, Darul Iftaa Birmingham explains that it is treated as an outstanding debt, paid from his estate.

What Can Be Given as Mahr?

Money, Gold and Property

Most Mahr today is cash, a bank transfer, gold jewellery or, less often, property. What matters is that it has real value, both sides know exactly what it is, and the bride has agreed to it.

When the Gift Is Not Money

Two narrations show that a Mahr does not have to be expensive or even involve money.

In Sahih al-Bukhari 5135, a man wanted to marry but owned only the cloth he was wearing. The Prophet ﷺ told him to look for something, “even if it were an iron ring”. When he found nothing, the Prophet ﷺ married the couple for the Quran the man knew, which he would teach her.

In Sunan an-Nasa’i 3341 (graded Hasan by Darussalam), Umm Sulaym told Abu Talhah that she could not marry him while he was not Muslim, and that if he accepted Islam, that would be her Mahr. He did, and it was. Notice who set the terms: the bride herself.

These narrations give couples of modest means real room. They do not mean a bride’s wishes can be brushed aside; in both cases, the gift was something she accepted.

When Is the Mahr Paid?

The Mahr can be paid in two ways, and many couples combine them.

A prompt Mahr (Mu’ajjal) is due at the Nikah or whenever the wife asks for it. A deferred Mahr (Mu’akhkhar) is paid at an agreed later date and otherwise falls due if the marriage ends by divorce or death. A common arrangement is to pay part now and defer the rest, with the deferred part acting as security for the wife.

What each type means for the bride’s rights, including on divorce, is covered in our guide to the types of Mahr.

How Much Should the Mahr Be?

Islam sets no upper limit; Quran 4:20 itself speaks of a husband having given “a great amount”. Some schools do set a minimum, and they do not all agree on the figure. Alongside this, the Sunnah encourages a Mahr that is fair and does not make marriage a burden.

The minimum in each school, the Mahr the Prophet ﷺ gave, and how to turn old silver and gold measures into today’s money are all in our guide to how much the Mahr should be.

Agreeing the Mahr Before Your Nikah

Most of the problems couples have with Mahr come from vague agreements, not from the ruling itself. A clear process avoids most of them.

1. Let the bride lead. It is her right, so her view comes first. She can take advice from her Wali and family, but the decision should be hers.
2. Raise it early. Talk about the Mahr during the engagement conversation, not on the day of the Nikah, when nobody wants to disagree in front of guests.
3. Be specific. Name the exact sum, or the weight and carat of any gold, rather than “some jewellery”. Vague terms are where later disputes begin.
4. Decide the timing. Agree on how much is prompt and how much is deferred, and if anything is deferred, when it will be paid.
5. Write it down. Record the amount, form and timing in the Nikah contract or certificate, read it out before the witnesses, and keep a copy each.
6. Record the payment. When the prompt Mahr is handed over, note it and keep a record of any deferred payments as they are made.

For couples in the UK, one more point. English courts have sometimes treated an agreed Mahr as a contract. In Uddin v Choudhury (2009), the Court of Appeal refused to disturb a county court judgment ordering unpaid sums agreed before the marriage, which the judgment calls “dowry”, to be paid to the bride. 

Outcomes depend on the facts, and a Nikah on its own is usually not a legally registered marriage in England and Wales, so take independent legal advice if you want your Mahr to be enforceable.

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The Takeaway

The Mahr is a gift that the Quran makes compulsory, owed by the husband and owned by the wife. It can be large or modest, money or something of real benefit, paid now or later. 

What it must be is agreed freely, recorded clearly, and honoured in full. Talk about it early, write it down, and ask a scholar you trust if anything about your situation is unclear.

Why the Answer Is Different for Hindus

Many people arrive here having read that a Muslim man can marry a Christian or Jewish woman, and assume the same applies to a Hindu partner. It does not, and the reason is the category.

The permission in Quran 5:5 is given only to women of the People of the Book, meaning Jews and Christians. 

Hindus are not placed in that category by the mainstream schools. Fatwa bodies such as IslamQA treat Hindu worship as falling under Quran 2:221, instead of the verse that forbids marrying polytheists until they believe. 

Our main guide to marrying a non-Muslim explains the People of the Book framework in full.

The practical result is a symmetry that surprises many readers. With Christians and Jews, the answer depends on which partner is Muslim. With Hindus, it does not: the door is closed in both directions until the Hindu partner becomes Muslim.

Can a Muslim Man Marry a Hindu Woman?

No, not while she remains Hindu. This is where people most often expect the extra latitude Islamic law gives Muslim men with Christian and Jewish women, and it is not there.

IslamQA states plainly that “it is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Hindu woman”. 

If she becomes Muslim, he may marry her; if she insists on keeping her religion, he should fear Allah and not marry her. 

Darul Iftaa Birmingham gives the same answer, as does IslamOnline, which adds that she must embrace Islam “for the sake of Islam, not in order to get married”.

A Nikah conducted while she is still Hindu would not be a valid Islamic marriage, even if a civil ceremony makes the couple legally married.

Can a Muslim Woman Marry a Hindu Man?

No. A Muslim woman may marry only a Muslim man, a ruling that the four Sunni schools agree on. Quran 2:221 addresses this case directly: “Do not marry polytheistic men (to your women) until they believe.” Here, there is not even the People of the Book question to discuss.

For a woman who already cares about a Hindu man, that is hard to read. SeekersGuidance, answering a sister in exactly this position, confirms there is no way to marry him while he remains Hindu. 

It suggests he learn about Islam if he is serious, and otherwise advises her to end the relationship, trusting that what is given up for Allah’s sake is replaced with something better. There is no loophole; any route forward has to come from him, and it has to be real.

What If the Hindu Partner Converts to Islam?

If the Hindu partner sincerely accepts Islam, the marriage is permitted on the same terms as any other Muslim marriage, with a proper Nikah, a Mahr, witnesses, and, for a bride, her Wali.

Sincerity Comes First

IslamOnline puts it most directly: the conversion has to be for the sake of Islam, not to unlock a wedding. Quran 2:256 is explicit that belief cannot be forced: “There shall be no compulsion in (acceptance of) the religion.” 

A conversion made under pressure from a partner, or performed only for the Imam’s benefit, is a poor foundation for the marriage and unfair to the person converting. Give them time to learn, ask questions, and decide for themselves.

What Becoming Muslim Actually Involves

Becoming Muslim is simpler than many families expect. It means believing in and declaring the Shahada: that there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger. If a written record is needed later, many mosques can provide a certificate of conversion.

Two common worries are usually smaller than they seem. Scholars say a name must be changed if its meaning conflicts with Islam, such as the name of a deity. 

Darul Uloom Deoband adds that it is better to change a name that strongly represents another religion; for anything less clear, ask a scholar about the specific name. And a new Muslim does not have to cut off their family.

Staying Close to Hindu Parents

Islam asks a new Muslim to keep treating their parents with kindness. Quran 31:15 tells a believer not to obey parents who call them to associate partners with Allah, “but accompany them in (this) world with appropriate kindness”. 

In practice, that means continuing to visit, help, and honour them while not joining in acts of worship.

For many converts, the hardest conversations are not with the Imam but at home. Support organisations for new Muslims in the UK, such as New Beginnings, can help with both the learning and the family side.

Telling Both Families

Many couples handle the ruling well, and the families badly. A few things tend to help. Let the person who is converting tell their own parents, in their own time, rather than hearing it from the other family. 

Make it clear that becoming Muslim does not mean rejecting the people who raised them. And give the Muslim side time too: some parents need reassurance that the conversion is sincere and not only for the wedding.

Where there is tension, a respected elder or an Imam who has supported converts before can often say what a partner cannot. The aim is not to win an argument but to keep both families in the couple’s life after the Nikah.

Can You Have a Hindu Wedding Ceremony as Well?

Families often hope for both: a Nikah for one side and Hindu rites for the other. Scholars draw a clear line here. In a traditional Hindu wedding, the couple walks seven times around a sacred fire (the saat phere), making vows with each circuit. 

A Muslim husband once asked whether he could take part in keeping his wife’s Hindu family happy. Mufti Ebrahim Desai of Askimam answered that it is not permissible, even for that reason, because it is an act of worship.

Cultural celebrations that are not religious rites are a separate question, and families usually find plenty of shared ground: food, clothes, music, and the gathering itself. Agree early on which events are cultural and which are religious, so nobody is surprised on the day.

Can a Hindu Marry a Muslim Without Converting?

Under civil law, often yes. Under Islamic law, no.

In England and Wales, a Hindu and a Muslim can marry at a register office without either of them converting (GOV.UK). 

In India, the Special Marriage Act 1954 provides a civil route for couples of different religions. Both create a legal marriage. Neither makes the marriage valid in Islam, which is why a Muslim who marries a Hindu partner in a civil ceremony alone is not married in the eyes of their Deen.

If You Are in This Situation

If You Are a Muslim in Love With a Hindu Partner

Be honest with yourself and with them about what the ruling means. Do not ask them to convert for you, and do not let the relationship drift on in the hope that the question will answer itself. 

Speak to a scholar you trust, involve your family sooner rather than later, and keep the relationship within halal limits while you both think.

If it becomes clear that the path is not there, that is painful, but it is better known now than after years together.

If You Are a Hindu Considering Marrying a Muslim

You may have found this page because you love someone who is Muslim. The honest picture is that a Nikah requires you to be Muslim, and that becoming Muslim should only ever be your own decision, taken because you believe it. 

You do not need to decide quickly. Reading about Islam, speaking to an Imam with your partner, and talking openly with both families are all reasonable steps. What your own tradition says is a question for your family and religious teachers.

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The Takeaway

A Muslim and a Hindu cannot marry in Islam while the Hindu partner remains Hindu, and this applies to Muslim men and women alike. If the Hindu partner sincerely accepts Islam, the marriage is permitted like any other. Take your time, keep both families close, and speak to a scholar you trust before making a decision.