Questions to Ask Before Marriage in Islam: 50 Questions That Really Matter

Why Islam Encourages Asking Before You Commit

The Quran calls marriage “a solemn covenant” (Quran 4:21), and describes the hoped-for result as “tranquility”, “affection and mercy” (Quran 30:21). Nobody signs a solemn covenant without reading it first. Asking questions is how you read it.

The Sunnah also expects the couple to agree terms in advance. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The stipulations most entitled to be abided by are those with which you are given the right to enjoy the (women’s) private parts”, meaning the conditions of the marriage contract (Sahih al-Bukhari 5151). You cannot agree conditions about things you never discussed.

Seeing each other and talking within Islamic limits is covered step by step in our pillar guide on how to find a spouse in Islam. This article focuses on what to actually ask.

How to Ask: Etiquette Before the Questions

• Keep it halal. Talk with the Wali or family aware, and avoid being alone together. If you are unsure where the lines are, see how to keep a relationship halal before marriage.
• Spread the questions out. Fifty questions in one sitting feels like an exam. Pick the topics that matter most to you for the first conversation and leave the rest for later.
• Answer them yourself first. If you cannot say clearly where you want to live or how you handle money, you are not ready to judge someone else’s answer.
• Ask open questions. “How do you usually spend a weekend?” tells you more than “Are you family-oriented?”
• Let some questions go through the Wali. Topics such as income, debt or previous marriages can feel easier when a parent or Wali asks them.
• Write down what you hear. After several conversations, memory blurs. Notes help you, your family and your Istikhara.

50 Questions to Ask Before Marriage in Islam

Deen and Practice

1. How do you pray day to day, and which prayers do you find hardest to keep?
2. What role do you want Islam to play in our home?
3. How do you seek knowledge now: classes, a teacher, reading, lectures?
4. Do you follow a particular school of thought or scholar, and how strongly?
5. How do you see hijab, the beard and dress, for yourself and for your spouse?
6. How do you feel about music, mixed gatherings and social media?
7. Where would you like to be in your Deen in five years?

Character and Temperament

8. What do you do when you are angry, and how long does it take you to calm down?
9. When did you last apologise, and what for?
10. How would your closest friends describe you?
11. How do you handle stress at work or at home?
12. What habits are you working to change?
13. How do you treat your parents when you disagree with them?

Expectations of Marriage

14. What does a good marriage look like to you, day to day?
15. How do you see the roles of husband and wife in practice?
16. How should we make big decisions together?
17. How do you imagine sharing household tasks?
18. How much time together, and apart, do you need?
19. How soon after the Nikah do you expect to live together?

Family and In-Laws

20. Do you expect to live with your parents after marriage, now or later?
21. How involved do you expect your family to be in our decisions?
22. How often would you want to visit or host family?
23. If a parent needed care later in life, how would you want to handle it?
24. How would you handle a disagreement between your spouse and your parents?

Money and Work

25. What is your current work, and where do you want your career to go?
26. Do you have any debts, and how are you paying them off?
27. How do you feel about interest-based loans and mortgages?
28. Are you a spender or a saver?
29. How do you see a wife working or studying after marriage?
30. How do you understand the husband’s duty to provide, and a wife’s right to keep her own earnings?
31. Do you support family members financially now?

On the last two: the Quran places the duty to provide on the husband according to his means, “Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth” (Quran 65:7), and a wife’s own income remains hers. Couples still need to talk about how this will work in their household.

Children and Parenting

32. Do you want children, and roughly how many?
33. How soon after marriage would you like to start a family?
34. How would you want to raise children: discipline, screen time, routines?
35. What kind of Islamic education do you want for them?
36. State school, Islamic school or home education?
37. If children did not come easily, how would you want to approach it?

Where You Will Live

38. Which city or country do you want to live in, and is that fixed?
39. Would you consider moving for your spouse’s work or family?
40. If one of us is abroad, how would visas and timing work?
41. Renting or buying, and what are your plans for the first few years?

Health and Personal History

42. Is there any health condition, physical or mental, that your spouse should know about?
43. Have you been married before, and do you have children?
44. Is there anything in your circumstances that your spouse’s family would expect to be told?

Ask about circumstances that affect the marriage, not about past sins. The Prophet ﷺ warned against exposing sins Allah has concealed (Sahih al-Bukhari 6069). A previous marriage, children or a health condition must be shared. A private repented mistake does not have to be confessed.

Communication and Conflict

45. How was conflict handled in the home you grew up in?
46. When you are upset, do you want space or to talk it through straight away?
47. Who would you turn to for advice if we were struggling?
48. How do you feel about marriage counselling if we needed it?

The Nikah and Wedding

49. What are your expectations for the Mahr, the Nikah and the Walima?
50. If you live in England or Wales, will you also register the marriage civilly?

For help agreeing the Mahr, read our guide to what Mahr is in Islam. Civil registration matters because, in England and Wales, the law does not usually treat a religious ceremony alone as a valid marriage; decide together before the date is set.

Answers That Should Make You Pause

Most answers are not right or wrong. They tell you whether your lives fit. A few, though, deserve a closer look before going further:

• Vague answers about prayer or Deen, especially if they change from one conversation to the next.
• Reluctance to involve the Wali or family, or pressure to keep things secret.
• Pressure to rush the Nikah before important questions are answered.
• Contempt for parents or for previous spouses, rather than honest disappointment.
• Anger that is described as normal, or stories where they are never at fault.
• Hidden essentials: a previous marriage, children, debts or a condition that comes out late.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of you is the best to his wives” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 3895). How someone speaks about the people closest to them now is one of the clearest signs of how they will treat a spouse. Compatibility in Islamic law goes further than any single answer; our article on kafa’ah and choosing the right spouse explains it.

Questions for the Wali and Family

Some questions belong to the families rather than the couple. The Wali usually asks about income and the ability to provide, the proposed Mahr, living arrangements and the suitor’s family. Families should also ask people who know the suitor about his character and prayer, which our pillar guide explains in its section on asking about a suitor. Sisters’ families should not feel awkward doing this: it is part of the Wali’s role.

Turn the Important Answers Into Nikah Conditions

If an answer really matters to you, such as continuing your studies, working after marriage, or living separately from in-laws, you can ask for it to be written into the Nikah contract, in line with the hadith on marriage stipulations above. Scholars agree that a condition contradicting the purpose of marriage is void, and the schools of law differ on which other conditions are binding. Agree the wording in advance and check it with the imam conducting your Nikah.

Find Someone Who Asks the Same Questions

The right questions only help if the person across from you is serious about marriage too. On Pure Matrimony, practising Muslims set out their Deen, family plans and expectations before the first conversation, and your Wali can be involved from the start. Create a free profile and start talking to people who want the same kind of home.